In the early 70's, when I was just about to entire high school, I was watching this one particular episode of my favor TV show of the 70's, THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW. In this episode of TMTMS this short man was wanting to ask Mary out for a date. Of course, our sweet darling Mary would never go out with a shorter man than herself and said no. I could definitely identify with his character because I was also short (I still am) 5"5' (well, at least that's what my driver license says I am - and I'm sticking to what my driver license states.) So, at the end of this episode, the guy says to Ronda, "Life is like high school." "No matter how old one gets, people always seem to treat you like they treated you when we were in high school." And while living the next 40 years of my life, I have found this statement to be sadly true.
High school was as one would expect it would be for everybody. It had its cliques, the popular kids, the average kids, the smart kids, the jocks, the good-looking kids, the bullies and mean kids, the kids who parents had money, the kids who parent had average incomes and then there was me - a short, plain, Hispanic gay kid with dyslexia (before anyone even knew what dyslexia was) and a HORRIBLE case of acne that still facially and mentally scars me to this day. And if you don't think that people (gay guys) don't still judge you for such things, you are wrongly mistaken. But even back then in those confusing years, I had hope that someday there would be a place for me out there; maybe some kind of a community??
Well, as time carried on I still found out that THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW was still correct. Life would continue on being like high school, but even in a more harsher way. I thought that the gay men of my generation would be more understanding and show more kindness towards each other because we had all lived through the same loneliness and alienation growing up in the 60's and the 70's - I was so wrong. We all judged each other like they had judged us back in straight high school years. There were still some of the same old categories like looks, bodies, money, but now there were some new categories like who were into leather, who were bottoms, who were tops, who were daddies, who were bears, who were into this and who were into that, who had a big dick, who had a small dick, who had a great ass and who didn't have a great ass. I remember the times when guys would just stand me up for a date and how sad I'd felt to know that these guys actually felt that I was so unimportant to them. That these guys knew that they had left another brother just sitting out there somewhere not caring about another brothers' feelings. The last time this happen to me was just a few years ago! I guess there will always be heartless brothers.
Then along came personal computers where anyone could be that insensitive guy like there were in the good old days back in high school. Nowadays you don't even have to be face to face to hurt others. All you have to do now is hide in cyberspace by ignoring someone messages. Some guys say in their profiles that they get so many messages that there's no way they can read and answer them all. What are they, movie stars? Probably what they mean is that they don't want to waste one of the their free messages on you. But what I think is one of the cruelest things that some of the members do is when they don't want to waste reading a message you took the time to kindly write them. They just click on "Sender" see your picture/pictures, maybe read your profile, then delete your message, without ever reading it. Talk about being having no class. To try to take away someone else's dignity. Sadly you can tell when someone has done this by looking at "Visitors to my profile." Then if you see someone on that list who has never opened your message." How can you not take that personal? Why don't they just help this great site out, if they are so popular, become a supporter. That way you'd have up to 1000 message - it would be a win/win situation!!
Over the years I have run into so many hurtful guys in so many difference kind of gay sites - Chubby sites, daddy sites, regular gay dating sites, etc. I'd be amazed by reading some of their overbearing profiles that your feeling could be hurt by just their tone - lol. Some would say such silly and arrogant things in their profiles like if you don't fit what they were looking for (meaning someone exactly like themselves) don't even brother to contact them. Because if you do contact them, they won't write back to you. Or, you have to be a certain age, a certain look, or a certain this or a certain that. But believe me, we are all going to end up in the same kind of urn or box someday. So, to some brothers, not everybody thinks you're a Greek god and maybe some brothers are just reaching out for a kind word in return. It's not the person who has the most people in their "buddies" list or the person who has the most people who have signed their "guestbook" saying "you're gorgeous" who will win in life." It's the person who shows the most compassion and empathy towards their gay brothers who will be the winners in life!
In closing, the reason I wanted to write this blog was not to act like I am the moral compass for the gay community. Believe me, I am the last person in the world that is able to judge others. I'm just trying to understanding why we have hurt and belittled each other feelings so often over the years in-person and over the internet when there has been so many others enemies out there who have been more than willing to do that for us. We are much more than our body parts, we are much more than our outer appearances, we are much more than the roles we had played back in our silly high school years and in our gay youths. We are brothers in arms, we have shared battles, we shared a history, we shared a dream! And step by step some of those dreams are slowing coming true, but only as a team, and only as brothers will these dreams come true.
And, as Jewel, the singing sings at the end of her beautiful song HANDS - "In The End - Only Kindness Matters.........."
THE WORLD ACCORDING TO THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW.
I have dealt with some of the things you wrote. My cock is not very big flaccid, grows to nice size when aroused. I am a nudist in spite of it. I live naked all the time on our property. I have heard others say things (not necessarily to or about me) that they should not be naked if they are too heavy, too small of penis, too old etc. These are all horrible things to say about another human being. But our society promotes these things in many ways.
I feel for you and am sad you have a number of experiences like you have described.
Know there a re number of us who do not share those negative ways with you....Re-read those positive supportive responses again. Know you are loved/ liked for just the way you are, by many people.