in the early sixties, there was a wave of "sick comedians" and "sick jokes". we used to swap them, seeing who could tell the worst. there was a whole series of "roman soldier" jokes, i only remember two:
didya hear aboutthe roman soldier who said: "i don't care what your name is, stop dragging that cross througn my garden!"
didya hear about the roman soldier who said: "would you mind crossing your legs, i've only got one more nail?"
then there were the "bobby" jokes which always involved a handicapped kid. this is the only one i remember:
timmy: can bobby come out and play baseball, mrs. jones?
Mrs. jones: why, timmy, you know bobby has cerebral palsy.
timmy: yeah, but he makes a great second base!
your turn....................
The first said, "You know how much he loved mountain climbing; well I spread his ashes from a helicopter over the Rockies. I thought he would appreciate being where he loved"
The second, after a sip of his wine said, "I scattered my lovers ashes over his favorite trout stream. I know he is smiling somewhere’."
The third said, "Well, I made a huge pot of chile and poured his ashes in it. I wanted him to tear -up my ass just one more time! "
How many men does it take to mop a floor?
None. It's a woman's job.
What do you do if a woman comes out of the kitchen complaining?
Make the chain shorter.
How many sexists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Let the bitch cook in the dark!
What's the best thing about Women's Liberation?
It gives you girls something to do in your spare time!
Why does it take two gay men to rape a girl?
One holds her down while the other does her hair.
Roses are red,
Violets are glorious,
Don't try to surprise
Oscar Pistorius.
What's the difference between a priest and acne?
Acne comes on a boy's face only after he's reached puberty..
What's common to Sonny Bono and Chaz Bono?
Both dived head-first into bushes.
What goes 10, 9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1,0?
Karen Carpenter's dress size..
What's common to Dale Earnhardt, Princess Diana and Pink Floyd?
Their last big hit was The Wall
Did you hear Amy Winehouse's family released a CD of her Greatest Hits?
Or as it is known in medical circles, her toxicology report..
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken
I hear Diana Ross' husband died climbing in South Africa
I guess there is a mountain high enough..
How many Alzhiemers patients does it take to change a lightbulb?
To get to the other side.
(I think that should suffice for now, but in case, you want more material, do check out Frankie Boyle, Ricky Gervais and Jimmy Carr - three hilariously offensive British comedic geniuses.)
How do you get a gay man to fuck your wife? Shit in her cunt.....
Why is a bible like a penis? You get it forced down your throat by a priest......