"Because I am a Man"

"Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys
in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes
hanger and ignore your suggestions that
we call a road service until long after
hypothermia has set in.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running
very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the
engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If
another man shows up, one of us will say to
the other, "I used to be able to fix these things,
but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start."
We will then drink beer.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold I need
someone to bring me soup and take care of
me while I lie in bed and moan. You never
get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to
purchase basic groceries at the store, like
milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find
exotic items like"Cumin" or "Tofu" For all I
know these are the same thing. And never,
under any circumstances, expect me to pick
up anything for which "feminine hygiene
product" is a euphemism.

Because I'm a man, when one of our
appliances stops working I will insist on taking
it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost
me twice as much once the repair person gets
here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television
remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If
the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a
whole show looking for it (though one time I
was able to survive by holding a calculator).

Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that
lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and
ask someone. Why would you listen to a
complete stranger-I mean, how the hell could
he know where we're going?

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask
me what I'm thinking about. The answer is
always either sex or football, though I have to
make up something else when you ask, so don't.

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your
mother, or have your mother come visit us, or
talk to her when she calls, or think about her
any more than I have to. Whatever you got her
for mother's day is okay, I don't need to see it.
And don't forget to pick up something for my
Mom too!!

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me
if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying
at the end of it, I didn't.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing
is fine. I thought what you were wearing five
minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes
is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your
hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the
1st century, I will share equally in the housework.
You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
gardening, the cleaning, and the dishes.
ll do the rest.

~ This has been ~
A public Service message for Men,
to better understand the Male animal."