I am one of the odd-balls who is more interested in what is between a man’s ears even if the initial attraction centers on his lower regions. I, therefore, like to read the profiles. The following is just my subjective and I hope fun interpretation of what I get when reading many of the profiles here @DD. They consist of set-phrases and/or slight variations of them. Feel free to add some you’ve read and want to redefine.
“I’m just your average guy”-
--- I‘m dull and can be replaced by any other guy or if you like I can be mixed and matched.
“I’m a laid back kind of guy”-
--- You should be the sexually creative one, and you will be expected to make dinner and do the dishes.”
“I’m not your usual guy”-
--- I’m a trans-sexual who is now a guy… and I’m OK with it.
“I’m not interested in queens”-
--- I find it unacceptable to buy a dress on sale or at a box store.
“I’m a man’s man”-
--- I’m too good for you, but I get-off on turning you down.
“I’m not interested in drama”-
--- I don’t want anyone like myself… I hope you like drama queens.
“I like all kinds of outdoor activities”-
--- You can tell me about the ones you do when you return.
“I’m a total Top”-
--- If you can top me, I’m yours, and what took you so long.
“I’m a total Bottom”-
--- I’ll teach you how to top me.
“I’m versatile”-
--- If it moves I will fuck it any way I can.
“I like all kinds of music”-
--- I like opera and show-tunes, but don’t tell anyone.
“I’m a big sports fan”-
--- Sunday is my day in front of the TV… And while you’re up get me a cold one out of the frig… and some chips… Did you buy any Hot Pockets or Mini-Pizzas?
“I’m HIV neg- UB2”
--- I still living in the 80s… and still scared shitless.
“I’m a chubby chaser”-
--- I want to be the center of attention.
“I only like thin guys”-
--- I want you to be the center of attention.
“I like muscle guys”-
--- I’m a wan-a-be but can’t find the time or the energy.
“I like movies“-
--- Let’s stay home and watch porn.
“I’m into cooking”
--- Step into my kitchen and you’re a dead man.
“I’m into gardening”-
--- The pot’s oganic.
“I do safe sex only”-
--- I worked too long and hard to get my PhD to fuck things up now.
“I play sports”
--- I like sweaty dirty sex. I hope you do too.
“I like poppers, foreskin, ws, bb, vacuum pump, BDSM, cum, cum swapping, edging, glory holes, hole-play to humiliation, leather, bondage, cbt, tt, ball-stretching, 420, 69, frottage+ more“-
--- I like poppers, foreskin, ws, bb, vacuum pump, BDSM, cum, cum swapping, edging, glory holes, hole-play to humiliation, leather, bondage, ,cbt, tt, ball-stretching, 420, 69, frottage, did I forget antyhing?
“Don’t contact me if you don’t have a picture”-
--- I’m not into trolls.
“Ask me”-
--- I still have no idea who I am.
“Ask me”-
--- I like playing twenty questions.
“Ask me”-
--- I‘m lost, please take me home.
“Ask me”-
--- I can’t be bothered.
“Ask me”-
--- I have a problem writing complete sentences.
“Ask me”-
--- I’m so good. I don’t know where to start.
“Ask me”-
--- Perhaps it will jog my memory of who I am.
“I’m not into guys who play games or BS”-
--- Games and BS are my job.
“I travel”-
--- Can you host?
“I’m just checking out this site. Will fill in more details later“-
--- I’m just checking out the pictures on tie site. Will not be filling in anything more now or later.
“I’ve been told, I’m good looking-”
--- My mommy never lies.
“I’m Experienced”-
--- Damn, I’m old…. But I’m good.
“I Enjoy dinning out”-
--- I don’t cook so don’t ask.
“I’m a bit kinky”-
--- I’m a total kinkster monster.
“I like mild to wild”-
--- I like it wild… but will get what I get if I have to.
“I’m a work in progress”-
--- I’ll be anything you want me to be.
“I’m a good listener”-
--- I’m a good listener, if you gag me first.
“I’m a jeans and t-shirt type of guy”-
--- My wardrobe consists on one pare of jeans and a tee shirt.
“I’m not into blow & go”-
--- I want to rent out to you a spare bedroom.
“I‘m a naughty boy”-
--- I’m someone even I want to know.
“I’m open minded”-
--- Fuck me till I’m out of my mind.
“Please no tattoos”-
--- I have enough artwork on my walls, I just want a man in my bed.
“I’m Horney all the time”-
--- I‘m a CIALIS® addict.
By: How
“Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke“ -Bette Midler (attributed)
“Life is too important to be taken seriously” - Oscar Wilde
Re Direct Post 4/13/16
--- If it moves I will fuck it any way I can."
How come my ears turned red when I read that one?
Great post, thanks MT!