Private Messages

I have sent private messages to men here on DD in place of a wink letting then know that I think they are handsome, hot, sexy or that I like their profile etc..... and I get nothing back from about 99% of the men I write. So I am to the point of just not saying anything at all. Do others have the same problem when sending private messages for this reason or is it just me? I know when someone writes me I always try and respond to let them know that they didn't waste their time sending me a private message.

By phillip72062 | 02/09/2012 09:45 PM | 14 comments

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I will be honest if they don't want to be winked then it will say I love to sign guestbook too I figure then you are super sexy and you deserve everything

GingerCubBearBoy 09/26/2023 08:04 AM

Anyone who sends me a wink gets a return message. A message gets a message and I alwys respond to any quetions that he might have posed--even if I'm nor really interested. It's just courtesy.

Have U considered the idea that many guys might not be full members and are limited in the number of messages that they are allowed to send? Perhaps include ur email addy in the private message U send to him--that way he is not burdened with the business of using a freebie to return ur's. Now if he doesn't reapond to U when U do offer ur address, then THAT IS RUDE and gives evicence that he has never received proper home training.

ilikemeninjocks 02/12/2012 11:31 PM

I think that this has been a healthy discussion oh how different people feel about this issue, In reading the different post I think as most of you guys do that it falls in the catagory of being polite or rude. I was always raised to be polite to everyone so maybe thats why I started this blog. But no matter the reasons why differnt people do different things I am always happy to get a reply to a message that I have took time to send. Be sweet everyone, hugs to you all!
Phillip

phillip72062 02/12/2012 12:21 PM

For the most part I send a "thank you" or a "thanks guy" to guys who message me or sign my guest book. At least I try to, sometimes I see the notice on yahoo and forget to do that. That is because my mom and my gramma brought me up to be polite. If I am actually impressed with the pics or what the guy has written and I am within his age preferences I will send an actual note and unlock my pics. If you put up an age preference and I don't fall in it I am not going to expend energy uselessly. While we are on that subject just because you unlock your pics doesn't require me to unlock mine. To be honest I don't even remember which ones I downloaded and put in private but it is truly annoying when guys demand I unlock mine just because they unlocked theirs. Especially when they live in Thailand, Turkey or Tahiti, places I will probably never see.

That being said I don't take offense, get hurt or feel bad when I send a guy a note and hear nothing back. It is just like guys who flake on meetings or stop emailing in the middle of a hot exchange. The way I figure it they are doing you a HUGE favor. They are letting you know, early on that they aren't worth your time, energy or emails early enough that you don't make an emotional commitment to meeting etc.

I can't remember how many times in the past I have seen this same discussion and it isn't going to change people. Rude men will stay rude. Polite men are polite. Nuff said.

txholdup 02/12/2012 10:25 AM

I have to agree with you for the most part. I do appreciate the ones who do respond back. I do understand that, it has happened to me as well. Hugs and love to you Phillip

singlelone 02/11/2012 10:39 PM

This is the standard on the internet. It's the " you don't know me and don't know where I am" syndrome.

hisbiguy 02/11/2012 07:58 PM

Phil, I am with you, if you sent me a pic rather than a wink I would definitely acknowledge your effeort and check you out. You are my type of man. Joe

joeblow87 02/11/2012 11:58 AM

I think it is interesting that we all think that because someone contacts you that you have some sort of obligation to reply back. I believe that my profile(space) is mine and I will do as I feel and reply to those that I feel are genuine or honest in nature. I find it frustrating also sometimews when i take the time to write to someone and he never acknowledges the message but then I think he is just someone that I am not going to spend anymore time on and that is fine. Remember we all have different oppinions on what is proper ettiquette and what is not. I also think that writing to someone and saying a couple of words like "woof" or you're handsome is not taking the time to read my profile and learning a little about me in order to write to me in a way that will interest me in replying back. I very rarely will write to someone that has if you want to know just ask on his profile. If you can't take the time to at least put a few things in your profile to attract someone's attention why should I try? It took me awhile to understand the nature of the internet but it is not like real life. We can play roles,act differently behave differently than we do in real meetings so lets not forget that. We also can be very real and serious and fothright as well but figuring out the differnece is so difficult online than it is in person so I tend to not try and take a lot of the no replies to persoanl and just move on. Though I have to agree with most of the guys here and think that it should be a courtesy to reply back to most messages if indeed they are a real message and not just a "hi".

barney290 02/11/2012 09:41 AM

Life seems to be full of the crude, rude and ignorant... Long ago I came to terms with people who have no "couth..."

For someone to not respond to a private communication is nothing short of poor etiquette. It is one thing to not respond to a wink. I use winks when I see a hot guy... Distance does not matter - if the guy is hot and I am attracted to what I see - I will wink. If a guy's profile says "winks are lame" or something like that I won't offend him by sending a wink (all that does is show that I didn't read his profile!)...

When I get a note or a wink I always acknowledge the guy who reached out to me... I don't care where he is located. It is just a personal thing with me to respond with a simple thanks and perhaps a comment about the distance... and wouldn't it be nice... sometimes such connections turn into an exchange of emails or skype -

Etiquette applies in person-to-person settings and, while others may disagree, I believe it properly should apply to email and internet sites such as this. Etiquette speaks to one's character and his level of refinement. Why conclude that the rules of etiquette are somehow different over the internet or by email? Strikes me as a cop out. After all, if one extends a complement to another why would such a complement not warrant a simple "thanks for noticing, have a good day!" kind of response? To say nothing is being borish...

Just some thoughts on your post.

everysooften
west Michigan

everysooften 02/10/2012 10:04 PM

Thank guys for the interesting post to my question and I am not talking about guestbook postings I don't expect a reply to those I am only talking about privates messages sent to someone.

phillip72062 02/10/2012 06:40 PM

Phillp: Back on 12/09/11 you signed my profile with the "you're handsome" option. Typically I only respond to profile signings if there is a chance or reason to proceed with a "date". Because your profile says you want monogamous LTR, and I'm an open LTR, plus you are oral only and looking for more than that on a "date" (aka NSA hook up) I didn't respond. I figure why tease that fire cat. (By the way, what is a "fire cat"?)

As a general rule I respond to winks and stuff with some slutty, hopefully humorous reply.

PDQuesnell 02/10/2012 03:37 PM

Hi Phillip, You're a handsome guy and I wouldn't worry to much why people don't get back to you. There are many reasons someone might not get back to you. Rudeness and lack of manners may be the main reason, but reading your profile may provide the answer too. One reason, you say you're into oral only. That may be a bit restrictive for some. You also state, that you're looking for a monogamous ltr with monogamy a MUST. Some guys might be scared off by a broad statement like that. I might not respond to someone who writes local men only. Boston is a long way off from Florence, Alabama. Other than the above mentioned, you seem like a nice guy and I hope you find what you're looking for.

fenwaydav 02/10/2012 01:07 PM

You are 100% correct. I think the problem is that when you compliment someone they take it that you want to get into there pants, I don't know I could be wrong. But yes I have the same thing happening to me. I figure that at least they are not being ignored and at least say thanks. Wayne

garden6962000 02/10/2012 10:24 AM

beht and Alex both of you make good points and the both of you are right. This is the internet so I guess that people think that they don't have to use manners and ignore a compliment.

phillip72062 02/10/2012 01:02 AM