GAY PRIDE - Is It Still There?
Whatever happened to Gay Pride? Do we still celebrate who we are? Or do we just try to be like everyone else? I've been seeing fewer rainbow flags and rainbow stickers lately. I've been hearing more of "I want to get married just like straight people." How about getting divorced like straight people? Don't get me wrong, I believe that both gay and straight should have the same rights. But don't get so caught up in the marriage issue that you don't see the negative side. When you see that 50 percent of marriages end up in divorce, is this something that we, as gay people, wish to emulate? Just realize that with every good thing that we get comes the possibility of something bad. The bottom line? Do we still have a sense of pride in who we are? WE are not like them. And we will never be. Let's feel some PRIDE!
Do I think we still need "Gay Pride Parades"? Yes. Because even though I have become comfortable with my being gay, there are a plethora of people young and old who are not. Many feel isolated, lost, ashamed. The parades provide a visual conformation that they don't need to be alone, ashamed, in hiding. What a Gay Pride Parade means to me, a celebratory event of an incident that opened the "closet door" in our society, is not the same thing it means to an 18 year old who is just coming to terms with his feelings.
As for marriage, I have been with my partner 12 years. We own a home, two cars, all the furnishings, together. We have joint accounts and individual accounts. If I pass away before him, a very likely event, I don't want him to have to fight to keep something he and I have built together. I don't want him to have to pay inheritance tax on something he worked with me to gain for the two of us. I don't want him to have to worry some relative will try to swoop down and take it away as he has no legal means to protect without a bank of lawyers, years of litigation and an expense account worthy of King Midas (yes, a relative can contest the most water tight will that leaves everything to a "non-relative"). I want him to have the final say in the disposition of my remains. I want him to be the one to tell the doctors what I need. I want him to have the right of access to medical information without having to jump through hoops. What we are looking for is the legal protections marriage offers a spouse. We don't need to have society say we are "married", we already know it.
As for divorce? Yes, that possibility does exist. But we'll worry about that bridge when and if we come to it. In the meantime, I want the same protections for us as any "straight" couple can get for the price of wedding license.
Most likely, gay folk will always be viewed as different no matter what laws are passed or abolished. But is being different a source of pride; or just realizing the difference and not wanting to conform?
I've been to and/or participated in every Pride parade since I came out. They are important! I still remember marching in my first few parades how awesome it was to have so many people on the sidewalks cheering me on... how did they know I was still kinda scared to be so "out there"?
A flag waving parade might seem redundant if you've been doing that for a decade or two.. but what about some guy that just came out... maybe he was inspired by that basketball dude. For him, this next Pride parade is potentially the biggest event of his new life. Hardly redundant!
So pride is important; and so is marriage, even if it ends in divorce.
To say: "WE are not like them", what do you mean besides the obvious? I think human beings are universal. Most having the same wants and needs. People let their differences separate them, rather then their similarities connect them. Looking at my straight friends and at my family I see more similarities. The one major difference, I choose to have sex with my own sex.
As far as pride. Does pride mean waving a rainbow flag or marching in a parade? Yeah, it can. I t can also mean, being the best man you can be, gay or straight.
So, I went ballistic, dramatically stating that it is the anniversary of homosexuality slamming the closet door behind us, never to go back in again. Furthermore, we had never missed a Gay Pride Parade... Well, it took a while for the gas to get out of me... My loved one waited patiently and in his quiet voice said, "No, we are going to Aunt Sil & Uncle Art's party... This is what everyone else is marching for." We will be celebrating our twenty-forth year together this July. There is more to this story that I can tell you individually that is even more moving.
I believe we can have Gay Pride and celebrate our difference together. However, especially now, we cannot do so at the expense of our standing up for our similarities to everyone else: to family, coworkers, to neighbors, to our city, state, and hopefully someday national citizenry. I will no longer celebrate in a closet. That is where I keep things I use to go out.
My Gay community pride is ever present. Perhaps more than ever.