the correct or the incorrect approach?

Today (Sun) we went to the Cracker Barrel for late morning breakfast. Our server was a bright, energetic, and engaging guy (who I later learned is 35 and now single). We immediately connected with him - to the extent that he now knows our names (not just our faces).

This guy was a "head turner." In all our chit chat while in the restaurant there was one occasion that he and I actually winked at each other... Not sure whether his was a reaction to mine but there was a good smile between us and each of us winked.

As we were leaving the restaurant I asked the guy what time he was scheduled to get off work. He said as early as 3 pm but more likely around 4 pm. We shook hands again and said our farewells.

As I had other errands to run in the afternoon I returned to the restaurant and got there about 3 pm. I kind of hung around the shopping area in the building and sure enough he spotted me. He had to do something with the cashier but he smiled and came up to me, remembered my name and shook my hand. While standing there I asked what time he thought he might get out of work. He said probably around 4 pm... I said, that I had something to ask him. Then I simply said "interested?" and he smiled and he immediately said "yes." We chatted again some more and I restated "you are interested?" and he said "yes." I responded with "I will wait for you..."

So, I killed time - went out to the pond and watched the ducks trying to get free food from patrons leaving the restaurant, walking around the store, and sitting in the rocking chairs...

By about 4:15 pm this guy came out, put some things in his car and said he would be right back so we "hang for a while..." He joined me in the rocking chairs. We chatted about nothing in particular but I told him that I was very impressed with his positive attitude and pleasant demeanor when we were in earlier. He was pleased to hear that and so I continued with something like "to me, you were like one hot fella...a guy I would like to get to know."

At this point he said "I want you to know that I am not offended by your interest..." then he added "before this gets too deep, I am straight..." With that we chatted about family, marital information, how far away he lives to where he works and so forth...

Then I asked him "tell me, please, what did you think when I asked you inside the restaurant if you were 'interested'?" His response was that he thought it meant I wanted to have a conversation.... So then, we chatted about labels (I told him I think of myself as bi) and he shared information about a friend of his who is gay...

I asked him if he was ever just curious. His response was that he didn't know how to answer that and he really didn't give an answer. I told him that I have seen a few guys who thought of themselves as straight - especially younger guys but they wanted to see "if they would like it..." as some have had girl friends and they just weren't experienced enough to be sure... With this discussion he really didn't give me an answer as to whether he ever harbored some curioisty about having sex with a guy...

A good friend of mine is gay. He shared with me how he used to travel to rest stops and such looking. He said that all he had to do was pull in and sit. Pretty soon somebody would come over and there would be some idle chit chat. Within a minute or so my friend would come out with "well, I just like sucking cock..." The next thing that would happen is the guy he chatted with at the car window would be in the front seat! There were times he said that he would even have a guy jump in the front seat without any words spoken at all and immediately start jacking off!

The question that I pose is whether I used the correct or incorrect approach? Can you guys give me some perspectives, ideas and comments about my experience today? The one thing he did say was that he wanted me to do his tax returns (he said he hadn't filed for a couple years). I was hoping that this afternoon might lead to one or the other of us "doing" the other - but that didn't happen...

everysooften
west Michigan


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  • Sounds like this guy has some issues to deal with. If he is 100% straight you would not have got so far as you did. Straight guys, full of testosterone, would sooner beat the shit out of a "faggot" than to discuss gay sex with him. I would advise that you move on and let him sort things out. Who knows? Maybe you can catch him in the future when he knows who he is.
    hisbiguy 10/18/2011 07:24 PM
  • Good evening, collegues. I have been giving this topic some thought. You acted the best way that you thought was appropriate at the time. Clear and simple. You should not have to "check" with others on your "approach." (Just my thoughts.) At the end of the day, you need to lay down with yourself and be honest with yourself. Hope this helps. Bill in Wooster Ohio.
    WayneCountyMan 10/17/2011 09:44 PM
  • I agreeee with Spiritwalker. see------ Every one is good to u till u xpect nothing frm them & U r too good to them only till u fullfill their xpectations. Anyways--------> If i were there--- i wr start kissing u than wasting time on those 'Double meaning conversations'.

    Roy
    steel3079 10/17/2011 04:42 AM
  • I'm thinking perhaps your immediate attraction for him clouded your perception of his actions. I don't intend to be mean-spirited, but it's his job is to get customers to return. He could indeed genuinely be a nice guy, and you could have simply appeared to him as a lonely old man who needed some conversation. (Beg your pardon for the use of the word "old".)
    johnnyc411 10/16/2011 11:50 PM
  • I think your approach was correct. I don't think your friend was ready but I do think that he is thinking about it now. Maybe he'll be ready when you do his taxes.
    Spiritwalker 10/16/2011 08:19 PM