I need so other men opinions why this is so true.

Why is it that gay men can't be true and all they want to do is hurt the other part of the couple? I am not by any means saying all gay men are like this, but, I can say one thing for sure all the ones I have had any deals of the heart with has had this behaviour . Need your opinions. Thanks
By Claycountyman | 11/10/2011 11:58 AM | 6 comments
Comments are disabled for this blog post.
  • Such a sweeping generality, "all they want to do is hurt the other part of the couple". What bothers me by this statement that someones (I assume yours) well being is somehow wrapped up in the sexual activities of other people. So you are part of a couple. I might find your partner hot and have some sexual encounter. Is this really an attack upon you? I don't think so.

    Love and sex are not the same. Lust and sex is not love and sex. Learn to know the difference. Learn to know yourself.
    PDQuesnell 11/17/2011 08:32 PM
  • Doggone-- I wrote this long and detailed response to Cougar, but it took so long that I got disconnected from the server and the post was lost. ugh.

    I'm not going to bother to re-write the whole thing now, but I'll sum up. I agree that we shouldn't accept excuses if habitual sexual fidelity is the issue. However, "being true" does not necessarily mean sexual infidelity-- it could mean that Jim hates that John's job makes him work late and keeps him from home for dinner; or it could mean that Bill had never told Bob that 20 years ago he was arrested for drug possession and Bill knows that Bob has a real issue with anyone who does drugs (even though Bill hasn't touched drugs in 20 years). Maybe the OP simply cannot accept that a partner has other responsibilities or obligations. Maybe the OP simply cannot abide any secrets from a partner's past (even if the partner never thought it was even important enough to mention). I cannot conclude from the original post that the issue is sexual fidelity (it probably is, but there isn't enough information to be certain). In my first post, I was trying to write in broad terms to address all the possible slights and disappointments we could have in fellow human beings. Forgiveness has to be a part of that. Holding onto idealized rather than real images of the people we love might not be helpful.

    I hope this rushed re-write makes the sense I intended. LOL
    slutpuppy 11/12/2011 10:48 PM
  • I think the gay "life style" whatever that is expects us to sleep around. When you enter into a relationship those details should be discussed prior so everyone is on the same page. Though I'm not surprised that the rules change after the relationship has started. I have long thought that monogamy, which by the way I am very much for, is not necessarily in the males DNA. Look at how many in the wild mate for life, not many. Treat people as you wish to be treated.
    Spiritwalker 11/12/2011 07:17 AM
  • Okay, my 2 cents jive with slut puppy and everysooften, with this added caveat...a lot depends on where you meet someone, how long it takes before you both decide to join forces, and what steps you BOTH take to communicate your needs, your pleasures, your fears...and especially your vulnerability...taking time before jumoing into the relationship affords you both the oppourtunity to explore where you both want it to go....my guess, is that hasn't happened with you, and you must bear some of the responsibility to make it happen...here's to better luck with someone else in your life
    polarbare 11/10/2011 04:56 PM
  • Some thoughts in response to your post.

    Not sure what you mean by "being true." Suspect that you mean either being monogamous, perhaps being a regular, perhaps even having a LTR... If you are expecting any of these situations, it strikes me that perhaps your friend didn't share the goal or see the relationship in the same manner.

    Not at all sure that this is unique to just gay men. I believe it can happen to men and women, between married guys and an occasional male partner "on the side..."

    The reality is that much of the activity between men is done when time allows. Some guys are always on the hunt and will settle for a one night hook up - even if they have a friend who perceives himself as "the regular partner..."

    Your situation was not revealed in your post. I suspect that good communication between you and the other guy is very important. Call it "pillow talk" - like after sex one time and during the "after glow" reveal what is on your mind... but only you can find the "right" time for such a discussion...

    everysooften
    west Michigan
    everysooften 11/10/2011 04:06 PM
  • I only respond because You asked for response. You need to define what You mean by "being true". You may have very specific ideas of 'being true' that simply don't match Your partner's. Communication is key. That being said, we need to recognize that our partners are human and will make mistakes, and we must be willing to forgive as well. Expecting perfection, or even some kind of absolute loyalty, is setting Yourself for heartbreak. i understand the need to have standards-- You shouldn't let people walk over You-- but the men breaking Your heart might not realize they are behaving in a way that hurts You. i don't know Your situation of course, but i offer these thoughts for consideration.
    slutpuppy 11/10/2011 02:29 PM