Younger/older

I keep getting asked the same questions about my relationship with my partner whom I was with for 30 monogamous years. Was I originally attracted to him because he was a father figure? No, it went from someone I met to a close friend. Within a few months I had move in. It actually became a committed relationship within a year. We had differences but we always worked them out. Once or twice we had the chance for a threesome. Pretty much just rolled our eyes and telepathically said to each other, what were we thinking? Tom was my soulmate. If you're lucky enough that type of relationship with an older man or woman it comes with responsibility and the most life life changing event. When Tom fell and ended up with a subdural hematoma. I thought i was gonna lose him. I used up vacation time so I could camp out by his bedside. 2 years later drs found an abdominal aortal aneurism . Then he fell and broke his hip. A year later he found out he had a 34 lb tumor in his stomach. They gave him a 10% chance of success. He survived. Lost a kidney, part of his colon and had to use an ostomy bag. I changed the bag for him every other night. I could see the pain in his eyes so many times. I never thought much of the task. He would have done the same for me. Every day when I left for work, we exchanged a kiss and an I love you. After a year he decided to have his colon reattached. Unfortunately he got an infection and died. I had the DNR. Hardest thing I ever did. When they pulled the plug I was holding his hand, his sister the other. I was sitting down. At that moment I felt the loneliest I have ever felt in my life. The only way I can describe it was like I was still sitting in the room but it was just me, the chair and a vast white void. Utter loneliness. Everyone's life experiences are different. I can only relate to mine. Losing your soulmate is the most devastating, life changing event one can experience. When an older partner dies you have fear of being alone til you die because you compare every one to your soulmate. It's been about ten years now. I've had a few encounters that were great. But still, at times I just felt hollow afterwards. Sex was never the main focus in our relationship. Just a part. Would I have changed anything if I could go back in time. No. Losing a younger mate Is just as traumatic no doubt. Maybe worse. There are no easy answers or advice I can give. Everyone is different. All you can do is follow your heart. Love is ageless.