my very first blog

you know things happen for a reason in the past few days several things have happened. I have met various guy on different web sites a bunch of nice ones to chat with. and a few that i have found to no tell me the entire truth.
i chat with a person a few times to get to know them and then i tell them about myself like for example i am wiccan, i dont push my beliefs on anyone i just like to be up front about it. if i meet a straight person when i first meet them i find out how they feel about gay people, because in my eyes i dont want to make friends with someone on false pretenses and later they hate me and feel like i have lied to them or had a secret agenda.
another thing i dont keep from people is the fact that i am schizophrenic i have learned that later if i tell some one they treat me differently or are very distanced from me.
i dont travel as i am dyslexic and i get lost easy and i get agitated, some people dont understand this i guess i can see where it would be hard to understand, i have lived in this town for 44 years, im 45 and i lived in another town for a year and i never left the apartment because i didnt know how to get any where, to go to the store i drove all the way back to fayetteville to go to a store i knew so i just moved back here when my lease ran out. there are places here that i dont know my way around so i never go to them, which i dont care to be out in public so i dont go out unless i have to, this is where i really miss Richard my partner of 15 years, you see he passed away january 26, 2014 i woke up that morning and found him he had passed in his sleep. he used to get me to go places with him, he knew me very well if he noticed i was getting nervous or agitated he suggest we go some place else. once a year he went on a trip to new york he loved the museums there, guggenhiem was his favorite, when he would go he would leave me tasks to do like go to pet smart and try talking to someone or just walk around, or go out and have a cup of coffee, or go to a movie, but while he was in new york i stayed home and slept most of the time. he once told me i was to dependant on my pets and we started working on having less, so i wasnt constantly busy with keeping my pets, you see i tend to go over board years ago we had 67 birds a few years later we had 43 hamsters, gerbils and rats, and then i had 3 5ft iguanas, then years later i found myself with 36 snakes, i even had 17 ferrets. and i used to raise sugar gliders for a hobby i had 2 pairs my babies were wonderful because i spent so much time with them.
Soon we got it down to 2 parrots 4 dogs and a cat, when richard passed the one parrot hated me and he was mine he would bite til he drew blood i called the lady i got him from and she told me well he doesnt like men, i was like you should have told me that when i bought him and i wouldnt have bought him, i guess thats the point she wanted the money, so i found him a home with a nice lady, i kept mozzy the parrot that was richard as i made a promise he would never go any where , i also kept richard dogs as they are used to being here and are used to me and my dogs. since his passing i have added a few pets 2 are cockatiels that were not being kept properly and i have decided to find them a home where they can become dynamic pets as mozzy doesnt seem to care for them.
and i have added three sugar gliders as i love working with them and think they make great pets i like the care involved i like learning about their nutritional requirements. and i added a puppy patty cakes she is 3/4 chow chow and 1/4 doberman she has blue eyes.
me and richard met back in 1990 we were together for 13 years and split up it was mutual and we remained best of friends, during the time we were broken up he had met someone and i had also my partner was john he was a good man was very good to me, back in 2009 he developed colon cancer, not sure of to how long he had it as he had a tumor and it was in his muscles, he refused to go to the dr he was scared, he had surgery feb 9 2010, richard had broken up with his partner in januiary as things werent good, me and john asked him to move in with us and he did he stayed here and took care of things while john had surgery and i was at the hospital with him we stayed at the hospital a month, john came hom and they told him a few months later there was nothing else they could do, so richard and i found john a dr here in town we figured if they couldnt do anymore for him and unc while make him ride uncomfortably in the car for an hour. i remember christmas of 09, he wanted to put the tree up in nov and start going to look for yards that had been decorated, i agreed to do so as he said "i think this will be the last time i get to see it" in febuary when they removed the tumor they couldnt get all of it, in june they determined his cancer had came back. me and richard did everything we could to make john comfortable he liked being out side so we each day would help him out to the wheel chair and we would find things to do outside, we would take him for rides in the car as he loved looking at building and driving through the country. on august 11 2010 john went unresponsive and we sent him to the er when we arrived they told us at first we couldnt go back, then a lady who knew me and john from other visits to the er and hospital took us back, the dr told us his organs were shutting down, we made the necessary calls and went to sit with john, our friend cheryl came up to the hospital while she was there richard stated he felt like i needed to be alone with john for a while , so he had cheryl to give him a ride home, i stayed there with john holding his hand, john biggest fear was dying alone, he passed about a little after 8 pm i was holding his hand and i had his head in my other hand when he passed my last words to him were "i love you"
the thing about richards passing was back in december he mentioned he hoped he would go before me as it would be to hard for him being alone without me, but he did hope if he went before me he would be alone but he wanted to be home where he knew he was loved and with his family he passed quietly in his sleep, and he thought me losing another important person would be to hard, he was very selfless.
the things i find myself missing are the time with him and john, they both worked very hard to get me out of the house they would find things to do. and our talks boy i miss our talks even though i dont talk much richard always said "roy you are a man of few words"