Why do men heat up and then cool off so fast?

Note: I'm not complaining, I'm just wondering why this is because it happens often.

I had a date a week ago and it went well. It was just lunch and after lunch *HE* invited me to go back to his place, I didnt push or anything for it. I went over and we just had coffee and a great conversation. He's a great guy and seemed to like me.
There was no sex just hanging out. We had a lot in common so it was nice.

After a while I said I'm going to go and he kept me there another 40 minutes telling me more about him and his work and his interests.
So obviously he liked me being there and wasn't pushing me out the door.

We said we'll call and set up another time to meet again.

So I go home and call him the next day and it was a short conversation, but we both said we'd had a great time.
Over the week I call 2 more times (every other day) to say hello set up something to meet again and each time he's pleasant but short to get off the phone.
We were supposed to get together tonight, I called yesterday to confirm and he never calls back.

Ok so fine he lost interest, but I don't understand why. He seemed so interested when we met and insist on keeping me there longer when I said I was leaving,
Why so interested when I'm in front of you but then when I leave there's no interest?

Do you think that when you're in front of some one you're focused on the fun part of being together, then when they leave you go back to your "authentic self" and see if this is something you really want to pursue, then don't?

Again I'm not complaining, it's kind of a psychological question why people seem interested one minute, then lost interest once you step out of eye sight?


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  • My guess Marc, is that the guy is really into you...really really did like you, but is "scared" to take the relationship to the next level...which you clearly sound like you are willing to do.....He may have taken the relationship out of his comfort zone on the first meeting....and now is scared or not ready mentally for a physical relationship.....He knows that he will eventually have to shit or get off the pot as to the relationship progressing and he has elected to get off the pot....Marc,I am sure that it is nothing you did,,,but he clearly does not sound like he is ready for a mature physical relationship with a man...
    monty99 03/31/2012 12:30 PM
  • I don't think the issue here is the invite to his home, or the non-sexual nature of the visit, it's the cold treatment in contact sence. People invite people to homes for non-sexual conversation all the time. If you say you don't have people in your home then you must be a very lonely or untrusting person. Let's focus on the rude way the guy is treating Marc after the fact, not the invitation.
    kelleysiland 03/26/2012 05:58 PM
  • [You don't invite someone "a potential platonic friend" back to your home on the very first meeting.
    You just don't.]

    Sure you do. Sometimes you have a great connection and want to talk more after coffee. Sometimes you want to show someone your home but it doesnt mean you want sex.

    In my case our lunch ran long and he had a contractor waiting for him at his house and had to run home fast, so invited me over for coffee to continue getting to know each other. I didnt think anything strange of it. I felt it was appropriate to go to someones house and have a drink and conversation and talk more.
    It doesnt happen all the time but it does happen.
    Marc 03/26/2012 10:38 AM
  • I haven't invited folks over for coffee and conversation, but I am guilty of doing it on a cyber level. Chatting and getting very 'friendly' but then after a time, it dies. Sometimes even after a prolonged exchange. Perhaps some individuals treat face-to-face encounters the same way? Certainly a possibility.

    On the brighter side, there are penpals who even after what seems like years of zero contact, will respond with much fondness if either of us starts it up again.
    johnnyc411 03/25/2012 10:45 PM
  • Sorry your date didnt work out, that has happened to me in the past. the chemistry is not there once two guys meet for whatever reason. Id sure date you man!
    CubManOne 03/24/2012 11:21 AM
  • Personally, what I'm seeing these days that it's all about them. You were there, you were letting him talk about himself and his work... then tried to leave...not because of the convo, but you felt is it was time to leave. He, in turn, wasn't done talking about himself and what he does. So, if you didn't want to sit and listen to him rant on about HIM, he's not interested. I see it and deal with it all the time. I refuse to talk about my personal life or what I do on a first date. I talk about common interests. Hell, even a blow job today turned into a 5 minute conversation about his job and how he had to get back to it...it's the world today.
    kelleysiland 03/24/2012 01:04 AM
  • Interesting discussion. Met up with a guy last night that I have known for maybe 3-years. It was an interesting evening.

    As he is not driving any more I drove about 25 miles to his place and met him in the parking lot of the apartment complex. He was helping a woman who lives on his floor empty her trunk. I drove up, parked and got out of the car. I was wearing my cutt off shorts - still had my socks on but was wear my sandals. He introduced me to the woman. Her immediate comment was about my socks and sandals. I joked about wearing my "Jesus shoes." The next comment she made to me was "your legs look really good - not spindly..." I responded with a "thank you!" Then she said "as a matter of fact, you look very good..." I said "thanks" again... Mind you, I never met the woman before! The next comment was "let me guess your age..." and she proceeded to guess that I was 50. I responded with "wow! - thank you... I am 69 next month." This all occurred in the parking lot...

    Then as my buddy and I were driving to go get a beer he told me that the walls in his apartment complex are not well insulated. He mentioned that that woman and her boyfriend were evidently having sex as he heard the moaning and the groaning... We laughed. We had our beer.

    The next step was to drive to his place and get it on. i was soooooo ready - he reached over and felt my cock (fully erect!). But as we drove he talked about passing on the sex part of our rendevous. He was worried that I would be pissed. He said that with the walls in his apartment being so porous he didn't want his neighbors to hear me moaning and groaning! Of course, I said I wasn't pissed... He was worried. I reassured him that our friendship can also consist of times when we don't engage in sex... Why not tonight? Was I disappointed? Yes. Later, at home, I jacked off and got the release I was hoping for...

    Not sure whether this guy has suddenly "got religion" or what is going on. Maybe nothing. It is just happened to me last night and I haven't figured out whether this is a sampling of what you experienced or not... Time will tell. I still think of him as a friend - even without sex. Sex doesn't have to define a friendship... Now, if it was just a hook up made off of CraigsList or some such and the guy got weak in the knees and begged off I would figure maybe it was my bad breath, or my hair cut, or whatever... That has not happened... All things in due course I guess....
    everysooften 03/23/2012 10:02 PM
  • he is what i think 1st off did u meet him on here? and if so i am sure he had a lover u should have looked close when u was at his place pics. seting around and go 2 the bath room look it over good and i am sure he wanted sex just was not sure u did i know how things work been there way 2 many times so know i know what 2 look 4 lol
    lexguy 03/23/2012 07:50 PM
  • I don't find this unusual... it happens all the time. I find that when two men meet they tell EVERYTHING about their life that time allows. But upon the 2nd meeting the conversation is not nearly as intense. Stereotypically men are task oriented and have the best time together when doing something (fishing, hiking, building, cooking, driving someplace -- having sex). A good day of fishing or driving with your best friend might not involve a whole bunch of talking. In part it is a "Venus & Mars" thing, but I won't get in to all that.
    PDQuesnell 03/23/2012 04:04 PM