Open Relationships

Very frequently a profile on this and other sites that has a statement that says the guy is in a long term relationship but is looking for sex with other guys. I know it is an outmoded way of thinking but I dont understand why you want to be in a partnership/marriage or other LTR arrangement if you want to have sex with guys other than your partner.
I would like very much to hear comments on the subject.
By gene245te5 | 01/13/2013 01:33 PM | 11 comments
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  • Well, I do love my husband and this will stay as it is, independently of having sex or drinking a cup of coffee with someone else.
    And independently of falling in love with someone else.
    I love my husband. He loves me.
    The rest may come - or not.
    It's not so hard to understand. Sometimes it's a bit of a problem of time management. Not more.
    Love is inconditional. With one exception: don't make my choose.

    It's not new.
    art4you 01/14/2013 08:27 PM
  • I have to say that I actually contacted gay couples that had been together for several years and asked them if I could meet them and talk about this exact subject. I met couples all over the US and Canada when I was still working and I will say that an overwhelming majority of them told me to NOT take a side in this argument because you may lose the opportunity to find the one you are actually looking for. It was interesting to hear from guys that were absolutely one side or the other until they met their partners and then they sat down and talked about it and agreed to live together. I think this is good information in many aspects of our lives. We should not take concrete postions that we are not willing to move from or adjust to, this only gets us in smaller and smaller boxes. I would like to think that as gay men we have an opportunity to show others how tolerant and open to new ideas we can be and not put ourselves in boxes built by others.
    barney290 01/14/2013 07:56 AM
  • I have my doubts about the long-term viability of open relationships.

    But be that as it may, whatever guys want to do is their business. If it works, more power to em.

    Never say never, but as a general rule, I don't like to mess with married or partnered guys.
    BearinFW 01/14/2013 04:35 AM
  • There is that soul-binding love. That's what draws you to an LTR and all the benefits that go with that. Then there is lust. That's what draws your genitals to an encounter with another.

    Just a few hours ago my partner and I had a lustful experience with another couple. It doesn't diminish our love and devotion to each other. Love and devotion are long term. Lust and sex are recreational. My partner and I understand the difference.

    We both came from previous LTRs where the lust and sex with others was sort of a "don't ask; don't tell" situation. That secrecy ended up being a source of poisonous cancer in the those relationships. We started our relationship with a clear understanding that neither of us can "do monogamy", so please don't lie about it. In fact we typically debrief each other after a hook-up. That totally dispels any secrecy and gives a bit of voyeuristic thrill.

    I totally understand that some single men are looking for a partner and true love, and realize they won't find it with me. So I never feel bad when someone says, "I don't play with married guys". But when they attack m, my partner and our 8 year LTR, I get annoyed. How dare they say my partner and I aren't committed or don't have a "real" relationship.
    PDQuesnell 01/14/2013 04:03 AM
  • This type of relationship has been happening in the straight community for YEARS! Why is it such a big deal now in the gay community?
    kelleysiland 01/13/2013 11:36 PM
  • I don't believe the responses are in favor of it. It's more like judge not. If 2 people agree to a specific relationship, it's their contract. I don't believe I have the right to dictate the terms. It becomes immoral or wrong, when one party alters the terms, without the other party's consent.
    jacker 01/13/2013 06:30 PM
  • My partner and I, of over 27 years, have been doing the 3 way thing for about 15 years. We do on some rare occasions do a one on one with another but only with the others knowledge and approval. We find that these adventures only enhance our own relationship. After 27 years together we have no fear of the other running off with a trick. However I would not recommend what we do to couples that are relatively new in their relationship.
    hisbiguy 01/13/2013 06:25 PM
  • The responses are running strongly in favor of open relationships. It would be interesting to see a poll on the subject conducted here on this site.
    gene245te5 01/13/2013 05:19 PM
  • If it makes you happy and doesn't hurt anyone, go for it. Open relationships work well for some people, and they lead very happy "married" lives too.. So, I don't see the point of claiming a monogamous relationship is THE way to go. In the end, the whole concept of monogamy and fidelity is all just artificial human constructs we've developed socially over time under the guise of "civilized behavior", and are mostly social programming.
    Sure, sex with someone you love and are committed to is nice, but if someone enjoys sex without the commitments or emotional baggage, who's to say they are wrong?In the end it's about what makes the person involved happy - and if it means sex with multiple partners, presumably with the consent of the other partner, so be it. All it requires is trust and open communication among the partners.

    In the end, all it boils down to is social conditioning and "morals" we've been programmed with all the time, looking at the world around us. And the illusionary idea that love and sex are absolutely inter-dependent and can't exist without one another for a "good" relationship. It's all flexible and subjective. To each their own.
    aliencubby 01/13/2013 04:00 PM
  • Absolutely nothing wrong with having you cock and eating it too.... or was that cake? Either way they both taste good!
    fenwaydav 01/13/2013 03:23 PM
  • Why is it wrong to have sex with more than one person? When did it become wrong to enjoy the company of others even though you love someone else? I look at it as a personal choice between two people and if they choose to be in an open or closed relationship I think that is just fine as long as they both agree to it. Who am I or anyone else to judge which is right or wrong? Could the idea of being monagamous be an archaic rule from organized religions? It is not how humans behaved organized religions because it is a known historical fact that our ancestors were not monagomous because they needed to increase the size of their bands,tribes or families. I do tire of the idea that we should impose how we feel on others relationships because of how we think others should behave. Is it wrong for a married guy to have sex with another man? I think if we worried less about what others do and more about our own behaviors we might have less problems in our own lives. So I would say that my partner and I would address this subject in our own way.
    barney290 01/13/2013 03:13 PM